It is...

...sometime past three am, and I can't sleep. Well, it's not that I can't sleep. I just don't feel like sleeping. So I'll just list some random stuff that occurred to my mind...

1. it is very hard to love someone unconditionally. It is almost impossible to say 'well, as long as he/she's happy, I'm fine. I don't need anything in return' Really. It's virtually impossible. For me, at least. And for those of you that think this is about 'her', believe me, it's not.

2. there must this special hormone working when you get up in the morning. I often experience this 'special' feeling whenever I wake up in the morning. I sometimes wake up in the morning feeling so sad, that there are tears running down my face (with unknown reason). Or maybe you can just wake up smiling and feel dumb because you don't know why. The first more than the latter.

3. Uncertainties result in pain. There are so many options to choose, yet you always unsure that you follow the best one.

4. I finally found my 'weaknesses' to tell interviewers.
- Impatient: I hate waiting. Period.
- Over Analyzing: Taking down problems day by day just doesn't cut it for me.
- Impulsive: I wouldn't brag too much of this too my interviewers though. Let's just keep this between us :)


5. Some people are just afraid to say 'no' (for variety of reasons). I've learned so much this past few months that some people are actually afraid to get out of their comfort zone, to hurt other people's feeling because their inability to say no. As always, my over analyzing habit didn't make it any easier as well.

6. It is actually very hard to know what exactly going through your mind. So many expectations, considerations, analysis that pretty much shield the true intention of your mind. When this happen, you can just go back and forth what you're thinking, just to discover that the result is just virtually impossible to comprehend. Confused? So am I.

7. Ah. The lucky number 7. Well guess what, my lucky number is 21, which is 3 x 7. What does it mean? Nothing, because I don't really believe in luck. 21 is actually my favorite number because of some certain reasons. People tell me that getting a job is all about luck. Bunch of nonsense. Randomness in the universe is what causing employment to be correlated with luck. Let's face it, the world isn't linear. There are no equations in the world that can describe EXACTLY the true activities of nature. People use equations not because they exist, but to provide an explanation to CERTAIN activity. Why is -ve x -ve = +ve? Because it works. So for those people that believe getting a job is all about luck, I feel really sorry for you.

8. It seems that aside from people getting married at 7/7/07, a lot more will get married at 8/8/08. The number 8 character (ba? pa?) is the same as the character for 'wealth' (feel free to correct). So? what are you waiting for? Start planning for your wedding! Actually, for all those of who haven't thought about getting married (yet), you have time until 12/12/12. Why? I don't really think many people will find the date 13/13/13 on their calendar.

9. My bed really kills me. It is by far the most inconvenient bed I've ever sleep on. Maybe that's one of the reason I don't feel like sleeping even though I'm sleepy.

10. For some reason it's just very hard for me to have a close friend on a long term basis. I don't know why, but it sure like a good idea to restrict my relationship with my friends. On the risk of being called sad, it's just very hard for me to fully share my thoughts with someone. It's been a while since I can really open up to a person. Time change... People change... and some thoughts just won't go away... I guess..

I think it's getting to personal, so I'll stop here.