are we there yet?

My head feels like exploding. I've been dealing with this problem since I woke up, and the answers are still nowhere to be found.

'How do you create the best efficiency?' is the question.

This is not a mandatory project. Students were given the option to submit the assignment, with bonuses awaiting if your system makes it to the top three.

I glanced over to the TV screen at the back of my head. Damn. Colts lost to the Tennessee Titans by last second field goal. So much for that.

I sighed. This is going nowhere. I decided to get some coffee, when I saw a half-filled Marlboro lights sitting on top of my cubical. 'What the hell', I thought. I took a piece and headed outside. The weather outside was just horrible. Freezing would be an understatement. I lighted my cigarette and took a couple of puffs. Much better. Some of you might be surprised by this fact, since I rarely smoke in the past.

Don't get me wrong. I didn't start smoking to look 'cool' or whatsoever. Actually, I've been playing hide-and seek with everybody, not wanting anyone to know about the fact. It's fine though. It's not like I'm creating some kind of dependencies with nicotine or anything. Just a little bit something to keep me sane.

As I finished my last puff, I started warming up my car. Damn it's cold. Seriously, sometimes I have to questioned how can people live under this kind of weather and have not gone crazy. Geez.

'One Peppermint Mocha, please' I said to the lady behind the counter. I started to look around the store. Everything was red and green. Christmas is coming. Ever thought that Christmas has lost is meaning recently? Look at all the commercials running on TV. eBay, jewelries, cars. All I can think about Christmas nowadays is angry moms pulling the last doll for her daughter in a packed department store, and confused fathers trying to get everything on his christmas list running around local malls. Have you watched Garmin's commercial on TV recently? If you had, you'll know exactly what I mean.

'One venti Peppermint Mocha, no whipped cream'. That's my order. I hate whipped cream. Not because it's fatty or anything, but it just spoils the taste of the coffee.

I took a sip from my cup. Blah. What the hell is this? I should've ordered my usual white mocha. I went back home anyway. One thing to learn from the trip: wear something other than shorts and sandals when the weather is this cold. Noted.

I got back to my room. The Giants are playing Cowboys. I continued my reading, while occasionally sipping on my coffee. Whoa, it's almost dark. How time flies when you have lots of things to do.

I hear the intro to 'Diatas Normal' playing on the background of my desktop.

"pikiranku tak dapat kumengerti
kaki di kepala, kepala dikaki
pikiranku, patutnya menyadari
siapa yg harus dan tak harus kucari
tetapi tak dapat.. ku mengerti"

I then remembered my previous encounter with one of my friend on MSN. Nothing important, just daily chit chats that frequently happened between us. She was telling me some stories about her boyfriend. Then I asked,

'You must love him so much, huh?'

She didn't respond immediately. But after a couple of minutes an orange flashing lights my conversation bar. I opened it.

'Of course, why shouldn't I?'

She replied.

'Haha, nvm. It was a stupid question anyway'

I added.

Then we talk some other things. But something never left my mind. It has been awhile hasn't it?' I never even thought about it. It feels like part of my heart are turning into stone.

Hatiku beku.

School. Work. Football. Those are really the only three things that have occupied my life in the past of few months. the 'L' word is nowhere to be found.

I reached for another cigarettes, but then I put it back. "My roommates' are gonna kill me if they found out I'm smoking inside the house." So I took some of my school notes from my bag, and start reading. Again.

Damn. I have to do this evaluation thing by tomorrow. I hope my teammates go easy on me, since this would be a huge part for the final grade.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Gibot just called. He was wondering if I want to watch Sunday Night Football at this place. I told him no way I can spare that much time tonight. I'll go tomorrow night instead for MNF.

What to do now? Hm. Cowboys just kicked a field goal with :01 second left. Two games decided by a field goal today. Whoop-de-do.

I browsed through my list of music in iTunes. Finally settled on 'Damai Mimpi', my mind started to wander elsewhere.

"ingin bersamamu menari
bernyanyi lagu damai mimpi
tersenyum nuranimu
harum nafasmu, mewangi,
hiasi mimpimu.."

I have neglected my guitar for quite a while. It must be out of tune. I remind myself to spare some time playing with it tonight.

I'm graduating exactly two weeks from now. How time flies. With no jobs on the line, I can't exactly say that I'm looking forward to it. I talked about many people, with different opinions regarding this graduation thing.

While I appreciate each and every one of their opinions, I can only agreed to a few. I finally decided that only I can control my own destiny. Meaning that I will make the decision solely based on my fully informed understandings.

'Totally don't know what it means, but I want it'

Why? Why? Haha. I just remembered this HDTV commercial starring Jessica Simpson. Ever wondered if she's really good at acting dumb, or she is just... well.. dumb?

A thought of skipping dinner occured to my mind. Don't really feel like eating with so much work to do. Hm. That might not be such a good idea.

lambaikan tanganmu from side do side
karena semua will be alright

then.. emmh... can't really comprehend what they're singing. 'Sunday Morning' from Soulid is now playing.

I suddenly remembered this 'project' I started with one of my friend from the beginning of the semester. I haven't touched it for a couple of months. Maybe I should look over it tonight when everything's wrapped up. I'm not gonna tell you guys (yes, four of you who have been reading this blog =p) what it is for now, but I promised that some of you might even want to get involved with this project ^^

As for now, I gotta get back to my reading.

Bye now.