can't sleep.....

Story of my life....

'orton fumble'

I can't sleep...
I stopped writing blogs long time ago...

But I can't sleep...

It's almost 4AM and I'm still awake... the Big Ten's network is showing a game from back in 2004. Purdue vs Wisconsin...

I tried to steer away from the channel, but it keeps coming back... I was there, I was at that game.. The day Purdue ranked #5, and Orton was a Heisman hopeful..

I still remember how he fumbled the ball, got returned for a touchdown by Wisconsin... And how everything went downhill from then... And by all I mean.. ALL.. No Big Ten championship, no Heisman, losing the next couple of games.. It's like a curse..

But this isn't about the game.. As I was watching the game, I had some sort of a flashback.. EVERYTHING that happened that season kept coming back.. my last semester..

This isn't about the game.. what is it about?

I searched 'orton fumble' at Google.. then switch into the images... this is what I found..


It's still there.. Nobody has forgotten that game... Like I never forgot EVERYTHING that happened that semester....

What am I doing here?

dewi malam...

perasaan saya sekarang...

sempurna....

my friend back in Indo just gave me this song... and I was blown away....



Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna...

finally...

This is the sweetest message I've received in years....

Thanks for all of you that have been supportive to me... especially during this past year... Not many of you know that my battle has been started since Dec 2004, after I received my undergraduate degree.....

Man, if I look back all these years... many ups and downs... wow... a lot of interesting things happening since then... I'm starting to think I might be able to write a book about it... the questions is: is anyone gonna read it? :p

But yes, it was definitely worth it...

a couple of things...

-at walgreens counter-
me: uhm.. excuse me?

lady: yes, can I help you?

me: I was wondering if you know what I'm supposed to do with this kind of injury (I showed her my badly swollen little finger)

lady: (surprised) oh my! that looks really bad.. we might have to have a doctor to see you

me: uhm, I don't think it's broken.. it is actually getting better (tyring to move finger up and down)...

lady: what???? it was worse before????? what were you doing anyway?

me: err... playing flag football...

lady: well since you can move it, it should be alright... just put some ice in it and take some advil if the pain lasts....

me: ???

-at chinese buffet-
sandy: eh temen gue waktu itu pernah makan di resto cina.. tau kan kalo di resto cina tuh.. gak ada deh yg namanya celebrate ulang tahun segala macem.. nah temen gue bule ini iseng...

trus dia cerita gmana si bule minta ke waitress nya buat nyanyiin ultah dll, minta kue tapi gak diladenin... gak kaya di chillis ato applebees ato apalah.....

gue: iya sih gue juga gak pernah liat...

gak berapa lama kemudian.. di belakang... di meja yg lain....

HAPPY BDAY TO YOUU HAPPY BDAY TO YOUUU HAPPPYY BDDAAAYYY (lagunya keluar dari sound system nya... trus ada satu ce bawa kue pake lilin...)

gue + sandy: (melongo)

-at facebook wall-
Stephany Jati (Academy of Art) wroteat 10:49pm on April 17th, 2008
hiks... the monster's not coming this weekend...ayo jenggo! kita bikin peer! (kenapa ya udah lulus dari purdue kok problemnya ga jauh beda...)jeng, gue mau lagu yg laen maen rockbandnya!

oh oh syapa dia?

tahun lalu gue pernah ngobrol sama seseorang.. terus gue bilang sama seseorang ini kalo gue lagi kangen sama seseorang.... entah kenapa seseorang ini tiba2 jadi penasaran sekali... terus dia kirim email dibawah ini... entah kenapa kalo baca gue jadi ktawa...... :)

Jeng, gw kyanya terlalu into neh..jadi ga bgt deh..

ok, ngg..tentang si kangen (huahuaua) ok ok

1. menurut gw, orangnya pati gw kenal, soalnya lo ga bilang misalnya, "udah deh, lo ga kenal juga koq ***."

2. orangnya pastinya lo uda kenal dan lo sering ngobrol.

3. gw ga tau nih apakah first love lo perlu dimasukin apa ga (omg gw!!) soalnya kan at least gw tau ada, jadi lo ga ngomong yg no.1 di atas

4. tapi...kyanya gimana yah, kmgknannya kecil aja gt untuk nomor 3

5. jadi, end up nya, conclusion gw yah tetep si C

hm hm

6. ga mungkin donk lo nulis tanpa sbnrnya ada orangnya..

7. masa sih ekstrim bgt klo kangen ama ade lo?

8. ga mungkin donk gw, because I said so

9. gw mendapati bbrp waktu kalian itu berdua (bukan dalam arti apa, tapi dlm arti ngobrol) => banyak ketemu dan banyak ngobrol membuat jd suka.....

10. lo setau gw (setau gw) di purdue yah gt2 aja kli yah temennya (well well), mksdnya yg masih contact-an sampe lo pergi ke LA, yg bukn anak apa tuh ganti nama kan, bkn status lagi, apa sih oh LEVEL. who else???????

11. jeng, kasih clue jeng!!

signing out..

~*****


heuheuheuheuehuehueheuheuheuhe....... ^^

WTF

I've had enough..

Clearly, there's something wrong here... When I got this job here, I thought I was finally be able to say - 'Well, I guess everything's alright now' Maybe, I would be able to enjoy my life for a while.. Maybe, just maybe, I won't have to live under uncertainties anymore... at least not for a couple of years...

Well it only lasts two months..

It seems that EVERYBODY would have to gamble to work here from now on.. I don't understand.. Would companies still have the eagerness to hire foreign workers? Introducing the 29 months OPT extension would surely make some people happy... at least for now... but what's gonna happen next year? A lot of my friends are relieved that they got the 17 months extension and they were sorry for me as my OPT already expired. Sorry for me? Why? I could still stay in school and have the same timeline as you!!! I will be $10k poorer, sure.. but money's not an object now..

My question is: If you don't get it this year, what makes you think you're gonna get it next year?

Probability is just plain bullshit.. Probability only matters if you get picked.. this thing only happen once a year.. so you either get it.. or you don't! Would people that don't get pick will still be glad that we have more chance to get in than the bachelors? Same thing as 50-50 chance in my opinion..

I thought I was gonna use my H1 for a couple of years... maybe ask the company to sponsor me a Green Card.. and after several years of service in my company, my salary would surely be enough to get a mortgage for a decent house/apt.. you know, get settled... all of the good stuff..

But somehow this whole mess has changed my mind.. do I really want to do that? I was reading this thing that my sister gave me... it says

"the moment that you feel comfortable is the moment that you're dead" (or something like that.. the website is down at the moment... so I couldn't quote it perfectly)

When I read that sentence for the first time, I thought it was going the other way... but honestly, do you really want to have the same job years after years (by 'same' I didn't meant with the same company, but same as in wake up in the morning, have a 30 mins to 1 hour commute, 8-5 jobs, go home, watch tv, sleep, repeat kind of thing) have a life partner, get married, have kids, get a house, have a vacation every now and then.. year after year..

Bored yet?

Wedding really scares me.. It really does.. (so much for getting a girlfriend at this point eh? ^^) I'm also not looking forward for my wife to suffer for nine months pregnancy, then suffer through the birth process.. really, it really scares me... There's a lot of abandoned kids in this world, why couldn't we just adopt them? I mean, what's the difference.. really? anyway, what a way to scare up women huh...? ^^

Yes, I got all of these just because of all of this mess regarding H1 visas.. My friend kept updating me about the process... I wrote him back "I don't really give a damn about this anymore man... I'll start to worry when I don't get in.."

As for now I'm gonna get back doing what I'm really good at these past couple of months..

...Waiting...

akhirnya...

kalo masih ada yang inget... taon lalu gue ada post ttg nyari lagu dibawah ini....



sampe gue post di youtube... lagunya dari ending song 'gue kapok jatuh cinta' dan gak tau kenapa gue penasaran banget cari2 mp3 nya....

gue udah tanya temen bae gue di indo buat ngubrak ngabrik satu jakarta buat cari ni lagu... (btw dia yg di indo aja nggak pernah denger ttg film nya!! apalagi lagunya) sampe2 pas dia ke pontianak aja di sempet2 in ke toko2 cd demi lagu ini hehehe.. kan lagu lama gitu, sapa tau di daerah2 masih ada...

you know what... ternyata ini sama sekali bukan lagu lama... tapi emang gak terlalu di exposed aja... dan akhirnya gue tau dan dapet mp3 nya!!! this is a song by ron ji - hanya kamu.

cerita dapet nya jg mayan konyol.. ceritanya kmaren minggu ini gue dapet ratusan (literally ratusan!!!) lagu2 indo hasil dia pulang indo kemarin.... yang baru2 semua gitu ceritanya... mimpi basah dah hahaha... apalagi lagu2 nya tersusun rapi by album.. ada album covernya segala dan berhubung gue pake ipod touch jd bisa keliatan de... trus ya udha kan besok nya lgsg gue upload ke itouch....

karena gak tau mo dengerin yg mana duluan.. gue pasang di playlist 'recently added' trus di 'shuffle' mode... trus ternyata salah satu lagunya itu ya lagu ini!!!!!!!! langsung buru2 gue email temen gue di indo buat memberhentikan pencarian... hauhau.. dia sendiri sampe penasarn yg mana en minta dikirimin... (pas lg ceting)

trus ya udah.. entah kenapa gue jadi happy seharian.... pencarian setahun berakhir sudah... aneh ya? simple things like this...

ever wonder why?

-btw yang mau lagu2 nya tolong kirimkan amplop kosong berlampir prangko gituh? heuheuhe.. gak deng.. bilang aja ntar gue kasih list lagu2 nya... gue males tulis skarang..

atas sikapmu

waktu itu gue janji buat gak ngeluh lagi di blog... gue janji buat pake blog ini buat taro foto2 aja.. (which was actually a success for a couple of posts)

God, I can't think right now...

jangan salah... I'm actually very satisfied with my condition right now... cman aja ada beberapa 'glitches' yg gak bisa ilang dari pikiran..

can't stop thinking about her... whenever I accidently look at her pictures my heart stops beating... literally... (it goes back on again... obviously...) wondering what my next step is..

waktu itu gue sempet mimpi aneh2... salah satunya gue mimpiin Caca... weits, jgn mikir macem2 dulu.. gini ceritanya: gak tau kenapa tiba2 si Caca telpon gue... nanya kalo cari hotdog di Chicago dimana... lah gue jawab gak tau.. suruh tanya Hans aja.. tapi dia gak mau... jd yg gue tanyain.. Hans gue juga tanyain bilang gak tau..... terus ya udah.... abis itu bangun.... trus iseng2 telpon anaknya... katanya lg mau buru2 mau mandi... mau ke sekolah...

Ca: halo?
(blaa.. blaa.. basa basi...)
Gue: eh Ca masak kmaren aku mimpi kamu...
Ca: ha? mimpi apaan Jeng?
Gue: iya ceritanya kamu lg cari hotdog di chicago... terus.. (critanya baca di atas)
Ca: eheheheh (ktawa gak jelas) jadi itu maksudnya apaan ya?
Gue: gak tau.. kamu lg ngidam makan hotdog ya?
Ca: yee.. gak kok enak aja...
Gue: hmm.. jadi apa dong artinya...
Ca: tandanya aku demen makan kali ya...
Gue: ???
Ca: eh ya udah ya aku mau mandi dulu...
Gue: mmm.. ya udah... (bobo lagi)

the other day... I dreamt about my Ex.. I'm not gonna write the story here, since even thinking about it makes me feel weird... but for some reason I woke up in the morning feeling very relieved... and it was nice that I was finally be able to get close to her again.. even though just in the dream...

yesterday my co-worker told a dream she had the previous night... long story short, she dreamt that the sun is going closer and closer to earth and everybody's screaming for help.... running wherever they can....

dan sekarang gue masi di kantor... abis kelarin ntn lecture and bikin PR...

ada satu temen gue yg mgkn bakal dateng ke sini dari jakarta sekitar 4th of July... one of my friends is getting married and she's planning to be the maid of honor... there's one more guy from our circle of friends and another girl I haven't met might also come too.. this should be interesting since the wedding is on the 6th, and 4th of July is Friday... this way I don't have to take a day off to get a long weekend :) I haven't seen them in ages.. and the best part is that I could ask them to supply me with some lagu indo... :) udah ga bisa download lagi dari Multiply... :( July can't come soon enough.....

btw... I learned a very valuable lesson during these past couple of months.... I will try to restrict my relationship with women... why? because I'm so bloody sick and tired to be considered 'girlfriend'.. you know? when women think you're good, but not THAT good... when they think you're a good friend, just not good enough as a boyfriend... and when they're already in a zone comfortable enough to ask for your opinions about other guys??? what the FUCK was that all about? why the hell do I even care about other guys? Are you kidding me? How could I be so dumb these years to fall into these traps????

damn...

baby Boilers!!!

you know what.. this is my 100th post... and with all due respect to all of my readers from Wisconsin (i.e. Adeline & Elka :p), I present to you:


I'm just gonna briefly say this.. the past couple of weeks have been horrible for me.. I've been in a life-threatening scenario that keeps haunting my mind (no, it's not a horror story.. think!), I've been broken hearted... and I've been scrambling around moving from places to places... My stressed level has come to a point that makes me shaking my feet all the time in the office, and sometimes my hand keeps shaking for no reason... nothing that makes me happy....

or is there something?

Before the beginning of last season, who would've guessed that Illinois would beat Ohio St football? Who would've thought that they went to Rose Bowl (only to be obliterated by USC.. but still...)

Before the beginning of this season, who would've guessed that Purdue would beat Wisconsin (home & away) and Michigan St (home) back to back? Who would've think that Purdue would swept 4 Big Ten teams and the season is not yet finished? With freshmen and sophomores?? After just winning a total of 7 games two seasons ago?

I have to tell you... after all those that happening to me in the past couple of weeks... IT FEELS GOOD!
DAMN IT FEELS GOOD! Purdue might not have win anymore games for the rest of the season and I won't care...

Just watching the student section stormed the court after a win against Wisconsin...
And the fact that the student section didn't storm the court after a win against Michigan St (just because they already expect the team to win in the first place..)
And the fact that supporters gather around Purdue Airport to wait for the team to come home after a win against Wisconsin.... with the band entertaining the crowd..
And the fact that students start camping 1 week ahead of the Mich St game for tickets.. (and were told to go home because the weather's gonna be punishing)

....is somehow extremely satisfying.....